Deoch: ALRIGHT SO IN THIS VERSION KEDIAN IS A TINY DUDE AND HE WALKS AROUND BUT HES STILL GOT ALL KINDA MAGIC. SO HE GETS UP TO A LOT OF HIJINX, THERE’S JUMPING AND SHOUTING, YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT
Kedian: shrieking “AM I NOT STILL A WIZARD!” tiny thunderbolts and flames
Cail: “I mean. Yes, I suppose you are? But I bet you can’t tell me why I shouldn’t simply put a giant rock on you.”
Kedian: eyes wild “All of that because of something HE points to Deoch did??? I DIDN’T EVEN ASK TO BE BORN”
Cail: “…OH. Wow. What’s that even like?
Kedian can’t tell if he is sarcastic, or serious. Both make total sense.
Sgrios: “Next!”
DEOCH rips open a foil pack. “OK SO IN THIS ONE KEDIAN IS A WIZARD BUT HE NEVER ARGUES WITH ANYONE AND IS TOTALLY CHILL.” mutters “We all know that to be a LIE.”
throws it in a pile, rips open another pack
Rogue Kedian strikes from the shadows. “How dare you ask me to be here. How dare you!”
Glioca shrieks. “You asked me to be here, wretch!”
Rogue Kedian is struck dumb. He falls to his knees.
Sgrios: “Next!”
Deoch throws it to Glioca (who smiles like a witch) and then rips open another pack
Kedian: Look. I mean to say merely that the practice of magic, in any form, is inherently deranging. It’s really a question of quantity and duration. Wizards, well. Wizards ask for it by name. We reach for what will destroy our minds, we can’t help it.
Gramail: “Huh. Almost like a rationalizable system of language is not in fact…reads the report ….theft, but a necessary component.”
Kedian: “I begrudgingly yield the floor.”
It goes on for hours. There is paper, and fire, and a whole lot of shouting.
Fiosachd: “Oh good! Another failure to quorum! Never seen that before!!”
Kedian: glaring PERHAPS YOU COULD HELP, I DON’T KNOW, RESOLVE IT
Fiosachd: snaps his fingers AH! I can do that, can’t i?
[Roll 1d100. 1-70 quorum, 71-99 failure. 1 roll. More available.] Roll
[Roll: 73]Glioca: genuinely Oh good! sarcasm The man came to fix the thing!
Ceannlaidir: …..YEAH HE DID
Studio Audience Applause
Ceannlaidir enters into a complex series of negotiations. Kedian watches as theorems unfold, bludgeoning centuries long assumptions.
Kedian: “Oh good. The man DID come to fix the thing”
laugh track
Sgrios: “O good! On my day, we arrive back at me. For the ending!”
Kedian: “Why don’t you go ahead and take us out?”
Sgrios: “For Kedians everywhere, this is Sgrios. When you need to erase your Kedian…rely on the best.”
Kedian: “…Nice. Just perfect.”
screeching, static